All The Pretty Horses: Two

I go into math class and sit down in my usual spot. I pull out my binder and realize that I forgot to do my homework last night. I curse a little and open up the book to the pages we are supposed to do and begin to work on the problems as quickly as I can. Luckily I’m halfway decent in math and so it’s not that hard. As I finish writing my problem, someone bumps into me and I tear a hole in my paper.
“Hey!” I yell, looking up but the person who messed me up is already heading to the back of the class.
I fix the paper as best as I can and smooth it out. I sigh, happy that I finished before the class started (and that they were super easy) and close the book up, waiting for the teacher to come in and everyone else to get into class. As I look, I see you coming towards the room and I blush for no apparent reason other than it just being you. You look like you’re confused and I want to go out and ask if you’re alright or if you need any help, but I have a feeling you would just deny any help from me. I watch as you furrow your blonde eyebrows at the door and then look at the paper in your hand. You make a face and then start walking into the classroom.
Could this be for real? Could you really have a class with me? We’ve been on opposite ends of the classes since we hit middle school. I always got advanced classes and you got standard. I’ve always wondered if it was because you didn’t want to try so hard to prove anything to anyone… then again, maybe you were jut secretly lazy. I know you made straight A’s in class, so maybe you got too smart for the class…
“Is this seat taken?”
I jump, startled that you’re speaking to me. Even though your speech is muffled due to your disability, it’s priceless and beautiful to me. To even have you talk to me is a privilege all in its own. You’d never know that though… I look up at you as you look down at me, waiting patiently with your calm brown eyes. I go to form the words, they’re on the tip of my tongue, when someone shoves you out of the way and you fall forward.
“This is my spot, you deaf idiot.”
I look at who could have done such a thing when I see Landon McCallister sitting there with a smug look on his face. How much I wanted to just punch it right off. I look back at you as you stand up straight and decide to look around for another seat. I want to cry… I want to cry so hard and just strangle this idiot beside me. Why couldn’t he see that I didn’t like him and would never go out with him? We went out once when I got on the cheerleading squad but he was nothing like I knew you would be. He was a slob, a horrible person, an all around oafish. I’m still wondering how he got into advanced classes.
“Whew, that could have been a disaster. I saved you from a school year of shame, Willow.” Landon says, looking at me like he’s a hero.
I say nothing though. I don’t defend you or declare how much I wanted you to sit by me. I just turn away, angry at not speaking quick enough, angry at not being able to even form words. It’s hard enough for you as it is to read people’s lips and I wanted to make sure you ‘heard’ me loud and clear. I wanted you to know how much I wanted you to sit by me… but all is lost.
This is how I’ve gone my whole school life with you. I’m sure this is the first time you’ve ever even looked at me. I’m sure everyone who’s ever picked on you has said that I’m out of your league, or any of the girls if you happened to like them. I’m sure you’ve been told how people think we are, the lies and the rumors… Then again, maybe since you really are deaf, the rumors don’t get to you and you don’t even care. I hope it’s the latter because I’m determined to say something to you this year. I swear that I will.

“You missed your opportunity again, didn’t you?”
I turn to Fiona, my best friend, and sigh, looking at my mashed potatoes.
“I was going to say something but that big oaf got in the way.” I growl, thumbing at Landon and his friend, Leonard. “I mean the words were right on the tip of my tongue and… ugh…”
“I wish you would just tell me who this guy is and I can rendezvous you guys to meet up.”
“No, if you did that he would never come. He’d think that it was a trick and never show up… he’s smart enough to know that. I’ve seen it done on him before and it’s cruel. I’m sure he wouldn’t fall for the same thing twice.”
Fiona frowns at me. “You sound like you’re talking about someone who’s a commoner.”
Although anyone can get into this school, it is pretty much separated by monetary value: the more money you have, the farther from reality you are. I was considered nouveau riche, but the school was divided heavily. Fiona’s parents had a lot of money and I always thought it was odd that they actually referred to the low class as ‘commoners’ like the lords in history did. Even though it bothered me, thinking of the word always made me feel a little better because all it meant was that they were common. Nothing bad or hurtful, just common.
“Well, he kind of is.”
“What? When did that happen? I didn’t know you were into that.”
I frown. “Fiona, it’s not a fetish of some kind. He’s still a person, no matter how much money he makes.”
“Sorry. Seriously though, you need to tell me so that I can at least try to dissuade him about the meet up. You finally talking to him would be the highlight of my high school agenda at the moment. Anything I can do to help will be offered for free.”
I smile at her. Even though Fiona can sometimes be a handful and sound quite snooty, her heart was in the right place and if I ever get to talk to you, I would let you know how much Fiona wouldn’t judge you. She would try to be supportive and do anything to make you feel comfortable, just like me.
I get up and head to put my tray in the trash when I slam into someone, food going all over the place and juice falling down my shirt. I gasp in surprise and anger because I don’t have a change of clothes.
“Are you an idiot?! What the hell is-“ I look and see that it’s- “You…”
“I’m sorry.” You say, although you really don’t look like it. “Do you want me to help you?”
“Uh… I…” I right the empty juice carton on your tray. “Just… watch where you’re going.”
“What did you say? You moved your head so-“
“JUST WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING!” I yell, so embarrassed that I can’t say anything pleasant.
“Okay…” you say, and I can tell that you still didn’t hear what I said.
I leave though, about to cry. I just yelled at you… after all this time and I yell at you. This is one of the few times that I’m happy you couldn’t hear me. I know for the fact that if you had heard me, you would have heard my heart beating out of my chest.